Four Things NOT to Say (or Write) If You Want to Persuade, Influence or Otherwise Get What You Want

 To propel yourself into the right circles – whatever your role in your organization — try to avoid using the four common but weak-sounding sentences below in your oral and written exchanges.

1.  I hope you’ll agree.
2. Hopefully, it will happen the way we plan.

 While “hope,” is truly a beautiful word, it does not belong in most business conversations or presentations to a group — if your goal is to spur action, sell, or simply be convincing. Neither does its cousin, “hopefully.” Both words express your lack of confidence in the outcome of what you’re describing. Instead, use phrases such as, “I am confident that,” or “We anticipate …,” or “I expect …”   These words propel the power and certainty of your leadership – even when you really don’t feel that way!

         3. You must do this by the deadline or you’ll miss out.

Imagine someone – possibly your Mother – pointing a finger in your face, demanding that you do something. That’s what the word “must” feels like to most people when they hear it or read it. To help provoke a decision or get buy-in, and avoid appearing to be heavy-handed or forcing a person to act. Instead, two different routes can lead you to your desired end.

a) Invoke the rule or policy as the reason for the request, if there is one. “The policy requires all applications to be in by next Thursday, or the discount won’t be available.” “The county rules state that you can water in this neighborhood only on Tuesdays and Fridays.”

b) For other situations, emphasizing a personal benefit for doing what you request. “You’re going to be regarded as hero, when you’re the first one finished!” “You’ll save 20% on your premium by paying your invoice by the 30^th.”

          4. You should have it by next week.

 Similar to “hope” and “hopefully,” the word “should” implies some doubt on your part. If I am buying from you, or you want my approval for a project you are proposing, I don’t want to worry about the outcome. Stand positively behind your expectations.  “You will have it by next Friday.” If you sincerely doubt that what is expected  can happen in the time frame that is needed, put the truth on the table sooner than later. Most of us would rather know what is “real” than deal with the fall-out from a failed promise.

 Remember, words are powerful and often are dual-edged swords – especially those four-letter ones including “hope” and “must.” Finding and using the right words at the right time is a life-long pursuit that takes practice and patience – but the rewards are without limits. Go for it!

Anne B. Freedman is a veteran presentation coach who works privately and in groups with senior level executives, business owners and community leaders. Her collection of e-books is available online at www.speakoutinc.com

 

Controlling Emotion In Business Conversations and Presentations

While keeping a tight rein on certain emotions when you’re speaking in a business situation is expected, sometimes they take over anyway.

What can you do to regain control? I recently suffered the loss of my dear Mother after her terrible struggle with cancer and other health challenges. As I ease back into my professional and community leadership roles, I am finding myself uncharacteristically weepy, with sudden outbursts of grief triggered by often innocuous moments in conversation. As a business owner and professional speaker, it’s been tough.

If you find yourself suddenly feeling sad, with tears or otherwise experience that “choked up” sensation that controls you momentarily, here are a few pointers that can help you regain your composure – or at least get you through it:

• Remember, if you are experiencing grief due to the loss of a loved one, a job, a beloved pet, your investment portfolio, or anything else that is truly dear to you, you will go through a series of “healing” steps. When it’s very early in the cycle of loss, forgive yourself for these outbursts because they will happen, and trying to suppress them usually doesn’t work anyway.
• Most people will forgive a genuine emotion expressed honestly in the course of a presentation, even if it makes them briefly uncomfortable, as long as you resume your message with a focus on their needs and interests, and not your own.
• To transition from your “emotional moment” gracefully into the rest of your message or conversation, one technique I recommend is to pose a question to the audience or to person with whom you are in conversation, so the attention slides from you to them quickly and seamlessly. For example, at a recent national conference I attended, when I found myself getting “emotional” at unexpected times, I would ask those around me what they found helpful about a speaker or a break-out session. Their answers helped me re-focus and get my thinking and feelings “back on track” for awhile.
• When you know that your emotions are running close to the surface, rehearsing your message – especially an important business presentation – is more important than ever. The better you know what you’re saying, the more carefully you’ve developed your persuasive points, and the more thoroughly you’ve polished your story-telling components, the less likely you’ll find yourself pulled off track. The same goes for your “elevator speech” or networking self-introduction. For best results, practice your presentation in pieces, out of order, at least nine times.

Mom, who was an accomplished speaker and community activist, always advised me to use her three B’s when speaking: “Be brief, be brilliant, and be gone!” When I tried to quote her two weeks ago, as I usually do at the end of a workshop or a speech, the words got stuck in my throat. After a few seconds of breathing, a sip of water, and wiping away escaped tears, I was able to wrap up. You will be fine, too!

Getting Out of Our Own Way – The Spoken vs Written Word

  by Anne B. Freedman

Went to an excellent Business Plan “Boot Camp*” yesterday and a good chunk of it was spent urging us to write tightly, to try get across our new business concept in seven words or less at first, and then, down to three words. I confess, despite being an experienced writer and former journalist, it was a               humbling exercise.

When you start putting your ideas together for a spoken presentation  – whether a “pitch” for business or an internal meeting – one of the most challenging parts is condensing your many varied and often brilliant thoughts into convincing ones that will capture and keep the listener’s attention.

After determining exactly who they are trying to persuade and why, I encourage my clients to begin by letting it “all hang out.” That is, write down everything they could possibly say, in no particular order. Then, write out what the competition might say about the idea, product or service. Consider and list what it doesn’t do. Identify at least a  half dozen distinct benefits for the listener (your boss, client, board, investor, etc.)  that will accompany a decision to give a “yes” answer to your presentation and list them. This process is similar to any other important business or nonprofit organization writing project, and to what I saw in the Business Plan Writing Boot Camp.

The key difference between writing well for the eye – which is what a business plan, blog, proposal or brochure requires – and writing effectively for the mouth, is that once you assemble your message, you’ve got to be able to say it, comfortably and convincingly.

My recommendation? As you brainstorm and write out your points and ideas, speak them aloud right away. It may slow up your “let it all hang out” brainstorming a bit, but you’ll have a much better handle, far sooner, on what you can express well face-to-face. Save or edit the stuff you trip over saying or that sounds boring to you, for a written document. In other words, get out of your own way, and you’ll enjoy better connections between your ideas, your mouth and your listener. As always, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! Remember, actors practice for hours to make their performances look “natural.”

 (* http://www.entrepreneurship/fiu.com. Don’t miss the great Boot Camp series at Florida International University’s Pino Entrepreneurial Center. Upcoming, very reasonably priced sessions focus on Marketing, Finance, Networking and Selling. I am still sifting through what I’ve learned and realize how much I don’t know!)

The Spoken Word versus Blog or Business Writing

  

As kids, we are taught how to write for others to read, things like school papers, thank you notes, applications for college, scholarships and job resumes. So why, when we try “writing out” what we want to say aloud for a live presentation, video or podcast, does it often sound  like garbage?

In working with business leaders and executives, I have found that the successful communicator understands that writing for the “eye,” for reading, and for the “mouth,” for speaking, are different tasks, requiring unique approaches.

Orally, you need to be much simpler and more straight-forward than in a written proposal or set of recommendations, and it has nothing to do with the intelligence of the listener. Say, “Harry, I am going to go over three recommendations that will help us increase our bottom line and run the department more efficiently.”  Then, in a brief summary, state exactly what you intend to cover. “The first is a new policy for hiring. The second is recommendation to change how we process credit cards.  And the third will enable us to more accurately gauge reactions to our customer service.” In writing for the “eye,” you might have listed this summary with numbers or bullet points next to them.

Once you have established a clear foundation for what you will be discussing, go through each point one at a time, with anecdotes or examples to make each recommendation come alive. It’s also a good idea to periodically repeat or paraphrase what you have said earlier, because your listener can’t always remember your comments, and especially when hearing something for the first time.

Unlike the written word, a successful oral presentation – whether live, video or podcast —  takes rehearsal. Practice all the pieces of your presentation aloud, and out of order, so you keep the tone fresh and engaging. Fix any parts that are too hard or awkward for you to say comfortably. Be sure and plan out carefully exactly how you will end your spoken remarks and for what you are asking . Avoid, “well, that’s all I have to say; are there any questions?” When in doubt, cut something out! Shorter is almost always better. 

This article is my first blog posting. I welcome your comments and feedback!